So, this was posted on another blog that I read. I just wanted to share it with you. I have never believed in abortion. . . ever. Once I had my amazingly perfect little boy almost 5 years ago, that belief depend. I can not believe that 90% of Downs babies are aborted. What? Because you strive for worldly perfection, you commit murder? I remember when I was pregnant with Carter and they wanted to do the Downs test. I was so upset and I told my doctor that I did not want it, that it didn't matter to me. That was the day I found out my doctor was pro-life. She looked at me and said, "jen, this will help us prepare for the future and your babies birth. . . not to end an imperfect babies life." I had the test. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/09/AR2008090902519.html?referrer=emailarticleAs a side note, after we learned of Carter's dx, we decided we would probably not have anymore children. Not because they will most likely get the disease too but because we knew that we wanted to enjoy and embrace Carter as much as we could. I was telling a friend about our choice and her husband said, "well, can't you do genetic testing and if they have the disease, get an abortion?" Huh? Are you telling me that Carter is so imperfect in your eyes that his life should have been ended before it began. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. AND we are enjoying our little boy and our life to the fullest. We have an amazing life, an amazing child, an amazing marriage, and an amazing God who chose us for worldly imperfection. . .
No, I am not talking about a lipstick wearing soccer mom or even a lipstick wearing pig. . .
A few weeks ago me and my boys were enjoying our usual Starbucks when a woman approached me. She told me that she was trying to conduct a research study and asked me of I would be willing to participate. Even though I was a little annoyed because she was after all interrupting my latte and conversation, I took pity on her. I guess I felt a little sorry for her because I remember hours of hopelessly and helplessly asking people to please participate in my research study when I was in college. After all, my plan was to go on to to get my Master's in psychology. I became very involved in research so that I could officially have my name published in the APA journal before I finished my undergrad work. Long story short, I did a lot of research and subjected many people to my endless surveys. So, here I sat in Starbucks filling out her survey. It asked things about how much time you took getting yourself ready in the morning, how important it was to you to get ready for the day, etc. At the end, it asked for a phone number. Hmmmm? I should have known then however, still giving her benefit of the doubt, (maybe it was to contact me later for her study, right?) I gave it to her. By that evening, I started receiving phone calls from this lady who was not a psychology student but rather a Mary Kay consultant. I have been dodging this ladies calls for weeks and subjecting Scott by making him answer her calls. He finally told me the other night, I need to tell her I am not interested. So, Thursday morning, I am hanging out with my little man and the phone rings. What do you know, it's her!?! After listening to her little advertising jingle, I tell her I am not interested. O.K. so this lady has been calling me nonstop for weeks, she is not going to go away easily. I tell her, "no, I am not interested. I do not have the time either. I have a special needs son who requires all of my time." She says to me, "oh, I understand but you still need to wear makeup." Huh?!? I say, "you have a special needs child too?" "Well, no but I do have a child." I tell her, "come live a day in my life and then we can talk makeup." Guess what? she has not called back since;)
On to politics. So, I have a friend who actually reminds me a lot of me. She is very opinionated and very strong. We get along really well and she is becoming a great friend. However, she has one flaw, she happens to be an Obama fan. Hehehe. Seriously though she is just as passionate about Obama as I am about McCain and she knows how to have an educated debate. She makes sure to educate herself on the man that she thinks should be president (and the one she doesn't) and doesn't blindly say "we need a change" without even knowing what needs to be changed. We had a long debate about our views and why we like our candidate and we were able to see the other one's points. It was amazing to have a real conversation with someone who is educated about politics. After our discussion, I was so enlightened by our talk that I told some people about it and you know what, I heard some crazy stuff, all of which I agree.
There is a reason or actually multiple reasons that I will vote for McCain. Things that I am passionate about will steer my vote (mainly health care and abortion). This is how people should be voting. I am getting so tired of all these people my age ( I guess we are the new generation of voters or the young vote) saying "we need a change." Seriously? They don't even know what they are talking about. After talking with quite a few older people, I now know why so many people think young adults are dumb. . . mainly because we are! Don't tell people you "want a change" and that you should "Barrack the vote" when you don't even know the three branches of government. Do you even know who the vice president is? Speaker of the house? Seriously, do you know the parts of government? Do you know that not one man (the president) is responsible for everything that goes on? Do you know that we have a little thing called congress and everything has to go through them? The president is NOT the end all say all. Of course we need a change. By law we have to have a change. Bush can't stay in office any longer. He has served his time and has gotten a lot accomplished. In light of 9/11, think about this, in seven years, have we had another terrorist attack? Obviously, our government is doing something.
Whether you like Obama or McCain is a personal decision. But don't walk around campaigning for someone when you don't even know the basics about the government. Figure out what is important to you and to your beliefs and vote accordingly. I have more respect for my Obama loving friend than I ever have because I know that she will vote because she is informed and has made her decision according to her passions. I will even still be seen in public with her even if she does keep wearing her Obama button. . .
So, as I sit here typing, I am wondering why. This has been something I have been thinking about doing for quite a while now. Mostly, because I have a lot to say but also because sometimes I feel lost in my world. You know how you always picture your life going a certain way. . . well I did that once. I knew since I was little what my "calling" was. I was going to grow up and be a mommy. I knew in high school the man that I was going to marry. I knew we would have four kids, I would raise them and when they went off to school I would go back to volunteering for something I was passionate about before I had them (like when I was in college).
Well, here I am seven years in to marriage with the most perfect man I could have ever married. Yes, I married my high school sweetheart and he is the love of my life. He is definitely the man that God created uniquely and specially for me. So, check one on the score board. I have fulfilled my calling of being a mommy. I have an amazing, strong, smart, almost five year old who gives me strength and meaning everyday. So, put another point on the board. This is where it stops. . . I have one baby who actually does fulfill my life more than I could have ever imagined but as he has taught me, just when you think things are "supposed" to go one way, God reminds you that he is in the drivers seat of this crazy thing called life.
I recently told a friend of mine that I feel so lost sometimes because this was not supposed to be my life. What? I have an amazing husband, an amazing son, amazing friends and family, and ultimately an amazing life. However, I never in a million years dreamed that God would put me on a one way road taking care of a special needs child.
You see, almost five years ago, I had a beautiful, healthy, 8 lb. 12 oz. baby boy that was the picture of health. He was so beautiful. I looked at him and knew that he was my world and that he was absolutely a gift from God. He was the one especially chosen for me. So, anyway, on to the road of my life. . . for the first 10 hours, he was amazingly perfect. Because of a rough delivery, he had to spend a few days in the NICU but what the heck. Anyway, 10 hours into this wonderful thing called motherhood, I knew something was wrong with my baby who was violently projectile vomiting across the NICU. And so it started. . . this journey to get me to where I am today. My world is my son, Carter Andru.
I have blogged about his journey on his caringbridge web site for the past few years and will continue to do so but now, this is my turn. I am taking this small moment of selfishness. I need a place to share my personal battles in life and in being Carter's mom (but without being Carter's mom). Maybe I have become slightly jaded but I assure you, my faith has never wavered one bit. It irritates my when the "normal" mom's who have no understanding of a day in my life, say, "you know you are so special because God gave Carter to you and only you. He knew you could and would take care of him." Yeah, that is easy for you to say because you are not the one up at all hours of the night trying to help you half coherent child fight a fever because his body is literally attacking itself. You don't have to travel every two months half way around the country to get medical treatment for your child. You don't have to take on insurance companies, clean tubes, or worry about aspiration pneumonia. You don't have to wonder everyday if your son's body will eventually give up and allow cancer to grow. You don't have to worry about delays or mitochondrial disease.
However, all of that being said, I do not feel sorry for myself. I do feel extremely blessed because I get to wake of every morning to a beautiful little boy who is stronger than any other person I have ever known. I get to steal his kisses and hear his sweet little voice tell me he loves me. I get to go on this journey with him. So, I guess, in reality, this is not my life but our life.
